How to Encourage an Overwhelmed New Parent
Dear Marlee,
My daughter (an only child) just had her first baby and made me a grandmother. I’m over the moon about my grandson, and so excited to finally see my daughter becoming a mother, something she has wanted for a long time.
She has always been very independent, but she and her husband accepted some help from me in the first few weeks after the baby was born (I think her husband was influential in that decision). So I’m staying in town for a couple weeks.
She was so excited to become a mom, but while I’m spending so much time with her I can tell she’s feeling overwhelmed sometimes. Of course that’s perfectly understandable, but I think that unstable feeling might be rattling her a little more because of her fierce independence.
I want to offer her some encouragement, but I’m worried I might say the wrong thing (something that has been an issue in our relationship in the past). I don’t want to come off as patronizing or for my words to inadvertently make her feel criticized in any way. But I feel like she’s being really hard on herself and I wonder if there is anything I can say to help.
What can I say to genuinely uplift her and let her know I think she’s doing a great job without adding any pressure or judgment? I want her to feel supported and confident during this precious time.
Sincerely,
A New Nana
Dear New Nana,
First of all, congratulations on becoming a grandmother!
It’s wonderful that you’re taking such a thoughtful approach to supporting your daughter during this special—but challenging—time.
Of course it’s a little hard to know how certain things might be received based on your relationship history. And no matter how carefully you craft what you say, it’s always possible for someone else to interpret your words in a way that you didn’t intend for them to. This is even more likely when someone is feeling anxious or not getting enough sleep, both of which I assume are true of your daughter right now.
In general, I would encourage you to focus on genuine observations and small wins, rather than platitudes that might not feel true or personal to your daughter in the moment.
I hear the dissonance you’re experiencing between wanting to recognize your daughter’s overwhelm while still encouraging her. Parenthood is a learning process, and by noticing and celebrating the things that are going well, you can give her the confidence to trust herself even more. Your loving presence will be a huge gift to her—don’t worry too much about having the perfect words.
But if you do want some examples to work from, here’s a list of 20+ options for encouraging a new parent:
"Your bond with your baby is so special, it’s amazing to see."
"You and your baby/partner make such a great team.”
"Your baby is so lucky to have you as their parent."
"You’re doing an amazing job at adapting to all of this change.”
"It’s incredible how much love and care you put into everything you do for your baby."
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Everyone goes through this, and you’re handling it so well.”
"It’s so clear how much your baby is loved."
"I know it might not feel like it, but you look so natural as a parent already."
"Your baby is thriving because of the your love and care."
"You’ve created such a peaceful and loving environment for your little one."
"It’s beautiful to see how much joy your baby brings you.”
"You’re so sweet with your baby.”
"It’s amazing how you’re balancing everything right now, even though things are really intense."
"You’re so in tune with your baby’s needs."
"Your warm presence is so reassuring for your little one."
"It’s obvious how much joy your baby brings to you.”
"You’re really growing into parenthood beautifully."
"It’s so wonderful to see how you’re embracing this new role."
"You’ve got such a natural rhythm with your baby."
"It’s inspiring to see how much you’re enjoying being a parent."
"The love between you is so beautiful to see."
As long as you’re responding authentically to the situation at hand, I think your daughter will appreciate the loving sentiment behind the words.
